my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
