I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
