god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
