he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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