I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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