i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
