Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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