I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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