My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love having hate sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize