dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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