really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
