I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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