How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
