Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
