i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
