I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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