Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
even my farts smell like vagina
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
