I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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