It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
