So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
