dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
