Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
