I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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