I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
