So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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