so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
