My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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