During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
