Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
