I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
