the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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