i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
