I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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