We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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