My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
