just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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