Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
