I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
