Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
