Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
