I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
