Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
