Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
