3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
found the other keg... it's in the tree
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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