I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
