I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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