One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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