I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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