Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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