Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
