Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
