Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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