I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
