Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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