i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
