I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
