she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
