How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
