Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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