I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
