You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
