You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
