Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize