Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This is the high leading the old right now
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
