Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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